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ODC Larp

My, haven't I been gone forever...

I posted this earlier on FB :

ODC: Most awesome moment - Jupiter's Ire during a giant thunderstorm. Least awesome, horrendous abdo-cramps and back pain most of the weekend so felt even more useless and impotent than usual. I 'get' ODC as a game, and I love it as a game, I love the atmosphere and Rome, and announcing in the arena and the awesome, but I can't escape the feeling I'm just not good enough for it

So here's 2500 words of thinking

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The things you learn - Gatiss used to write (bad) erotic novels. Or did everyone already know that? *snorts* I am now utterly convinced he's somewhere out there, tacitly approving of slashfic and maybe even writing it.... All those anon responses to kink memes.....

*THIS* Is not something you should read at work and involves man/man sexxings.

Intermittent update

Welcome to my life in 2012.

In good news, I passed my progression for the PhD with room to spare, so I'm set to continue for what looks like another 2-3 years.

In less good news, as I feared, they decided I wasn't to do the ethics teaching at GEM anymore, which was a big loss of income, but the counter to that is Keele giving me some more teaching to do, which has just about counterbalanced it in terms of paying my fees for this year, but not in terms of having anything to spend.

It's still a lot of work I have to do for no tangible financial benefit, and it is a proper struggle to keep body and soul together. I am spending more than I have coming in, only through generosity am I feeding myself and the kitties.  I'm not leading an adventurous life, or squandering money - 700 quid a month goes nowhere when half is taken up by rent, and with travel costs, council tax and utility bills taking up 300 more.... !  Having to plan a month's money down to the last £1 and having nothing (often LESS than nothing) in reserve is grinding.

To try and cope with the - work on this here, work on that there, work on something else while occasionally being too skint to actually get to work/the uni /pay the gas bill and while you are at it forget that trip to see friends/go to larp you were planning - I have to do, I am endeavoring to make time for some creative stuff as I know full well that not doing so makes me miserable. I'm not actively 'depressed' per se right now, but my mood is persistently low when there's nothing like creativity and inspiration going on, which makes it easy to trigger a downturn.

Anger, ethics and the internet.

What an angry lot we are. Every day, we are angry. Sometimes that’s outrage, sometimes its anger, sometimes it’s just a little grumble. But there’s no doubt about it, we are an angry lot.

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November - I am dreading you.

Come November, some things in my life are likely to change. How severe and dramatic a change that is going to be, I don't yet know

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Because I am trying to do more writing things, here's some stuff .  Three excerpts from last years Nano, and a bit I wrote when someone hypothesised James Bond was a Time Lord. Don't be mean.


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I only ever seem to hurt on here

I made a choice. I chose to take a risk and move in pursuit of a dream, and hope that by application and luck I’d make it work. 

 Nearly two years on, where am I ? 

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I've not been about much recently... life is going through one of those difficult patches at the moment, and lots of things look pretty bleak.

One of the things I have been doing of late is trying to explain to people why depression is such a bastard.  However, if you haven't been there it is very difficult to explain.  My job involves teaching and working with medical students, and to me its important they try and empathise as much as they can with people who are very different to them.

Some time ago, I was introduced to the 'spoon theory'.   You can read it in full here  http://butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf and it provides a wonderful metaphor for living with illness.  It was written by someone with a long standing physical condition, Lupus, but anyone who has struggled with mental illness of any form will recognise their own condition in there as well.

Let me briefly try and encapsulate what the Spoon theory is about - its about that for people living with any long standing illness, life is a constant process of decision making. Every action, small and large, uses up part of the physical energy and mental willpower you have for the day.  The spoons in the story represent that energy and willpower.  Each thing you do uses up one of those spoons and when you have a chronic illness... you have less spoons to play with. Once they are gone, they are gone. I urge you to read it, the full story works better than any summary I could give.

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Sam xxxx

The last decade

In my head the first decade of the third millenium shall be the decade of apathetic winge-ery. It largely seemed full of a society forgetting how to do anything but panic or complain about things. Or maybe its always been like that and I'm just too wrapped up in my own personal winge-ery to notice.  There were one or two points at which people tried, en masse, to actually CHANGE things - but none of that worked out, poor sods. Instead, a government equally unsure of how to actually DO anything simply legislated to stop people gathering in such inconvenient ways.

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